on books and human bondage

Andy Warhol coined the now-famous fifteen minutes of fame when he said that in the future, everyone will have their own fifteen minutes. I think we can take it a step beyond that. In the future, everyone will have their own book. And I mean everyone. I was at Barnes & Noble tonight and ran across a book by Ty Pennington. For the heterosexual males out there who aren't familiar with the name, Ty is the carpenter from "Trading Spaces," everyone's favortie home make-over show. Why a guy who hammers and saws stuff on TV for a living needs to write a book is beyond me. And he's not the only d-list celebrity with a book. It seems like every person who manages to get their fifteen minutes gets a book deal along with it. It doesn't matter if you're the second banana on a sitcom, the victim of a minor tragedy that made the news for a few days, or spent two weeks as a roadie for Genesis, there's a shelf in Barnes & Noble reserved for you. It actually got me thinking: there's no way all of those people are doing the actual writing. Ninety-eight percent of them probably use ghost-writers, somebody to string their incoherent musings and memories into actual sentences. So the question is, how do I get that job? Not only is it easy money, but the perks are great. I could even wear a pen around my neck and help middle-schoolers solve crimes in my spare time. Sign me up, man. Sign me up.

And while we're on the subject of Barnes & Noble, I also noticed a book that frightened me quite a bit: The O'Reilly Factor for Kids. Honestly, I can't say I've ever been a fan of O'Reilly, although it's not really that I disagree with his politics so much as I just think he's a douche bag. I've never really listened to or watched his show enough to know what he believes politically. I just know he comes off like a cranky old man who hates everybody and I'm not really a fan of cranky old men unless they're Bob Dole. That being said, The O'Reilly Factor for Kids??? Are you kidding me? Wanting your kids to have a basic knowledge of politics is one thing. Buying them a book so some overpaid talking head can indoctrinate your eight-year-old into your way of thinking, however, is a little much.

Mr. Mann

I just want to go on record saying I don't think that faculty should be allowed to use the rec center. Not so much the rec center itself, but the locker rooms at the rec center. I don't think any student should have to see his or her professor's penis and/or vagina.

On a completely unrelated note, Ed is back. That makes me happy. Actually, I guess he never really left, but Ed now has a desk right next to mine, so I'll be seeing him on a regular basis. "Who is Ed?" you ask. Well, I'll tell you. Ed is in his forties or fifties I would wager. He grew up in Washington or one of those small towns near here and he's played in bar bands all his life. He's travelled all over the south and played with all sorts of Blues and Southern Rock people. Ed also writes. Boy does he ever. In a creative writing class where everybody else is turning in stories that are four to seven pages long, Ed will turn in twenty to thirty page monstrosities. That's not to say that they're bad. They're just heavy. Huge Faulknerian sentences, references to Dante and Moby Dick, pages and pages of description. Flashes of brilliance everywhere. And then there's Ed's demeanor. We'll say he's a bit grizzled. He has a beard off and on, wears a sleaveless blue jean jacket when it gets colder. You can tell he's done some living. But he's such a nice guy. He talks about all these deep concepts and ideas, but also has a sort of childlike innocence sometimes and often lacks confidence. He's always willing to give or ask for advice from anyone who happens to be around. Yesterday, he helped one of the other instructor's students for a good half hour. He took the guy from a boring, cut and dry story about why he likes Harry Potter to what sounds like it'll be a really good, really deep paper. Then he told me about his thesis. It relates Hucklebery Finn to Moby Dick, some Faulkner stuff, and the concept of rivers in Southern and world mythology. It's a pretty gargantuan undertaking. But he'll probably pull it off. Not because things come easily to him. They don't. He has to work really hard to reign himself in and be coherent. But because he'll make it work eventually. He'll talk to everybody he needs to talk to. He'll humble himself and let professors who are his age or younger give him advice and rip his writing apart. Ed has no pretensions, no pride. He's just Ed. And I'm glad to have him back.

indie cred

I really need to start bringing my discman to campus when I come for my office hours. I've been sitting around my apartment all morning listening to music and now that I'm here the silence is deafening. I've been in an indie mood today. I refound a band I listened to a while back. They're called The Forecast and they're pretty fun. I like the back-up singer/bassist chick. She makes their music a little more interesting than it would be otherwise. Her voice reminds me of Melanie Wills, the chick who sings on a couple of From Autumn to Ashes songs. And speaking of female singers, I was also listening to some Rilo Kiley. I can't say I'm a huge fan, but I really like their single, "Portions for Foxes." Plus, their singer is the girl from The Wizard and the guitar player is the kid who played Pinske on "Salute Your Shorts." If that isn't enough reason to like a band, I don't know what is.

And while we're on the subject of bands you should listen to, Blindside just came out with a new cd. I can't say I'm a huge fan of their older stuff, but their last three cd's have all been incredible. If you've never heard them before, you should check out Silence first as that's probably their masterpiece, but the new cd might be one of my favorites too once all is said and done. It's really creative and interesting. Go here and click on the video for Sleepwalking. If you're into any sort of rock music, you won't be disappointed.

If you're looking for something with a little less mainstream sound, there's always Cursive. They're a little emo, a little indie, a little disjointed and weird, but so amazing. I love how their music is so unmelodic. I know that sounds weird. It's a little hard to describe I guess. The lyrics are also very self-referential. Sort of meta-lyrical. Ask me what that means someday. Anyway, it's good stuff. Listen. Read. Love. Or don't. Whatever.

"So write some sad song about me
Screaming your agony
Playing the saint
The martyr"
"The Martyr" By Cursive

Halloween on a Friday

Do you think if I write enough letters to the movie studios I can get them to start putting that, "cut off your cell phone" message at the beginning of their DVD's? It's so annoying to be watching a movie with a bunch of people and have one of them get up every five minutes to answer his or her cell phone. I guess I do it too sometimes, but I don't get calls nearly as often as some of the people I watch movies with. I'm glad you're so popular and all, but it's a little hard to get into a serious movie with your "Buddy Holly" ringtone playing during every third scene.

And let's not even talk about the campus theater. It's not so bad if you go see a small, indie film there, but if you go to see anything big budget, the place is packed and incredibly noisy. Some people just have no respect for others at all. I mean, I'll whisper to my friends every now and then during a movie, but these people have full-volume conversations about things completely unrelated to the movie. I'd have to say my worst two campus theater experiences were Haloween: H20 and Friday. After Halloween, I decided not to watch a horror movie there ever again. There was this one girl that kept screaming every time anything happened. And I mean anything. You know how some horror movies have a lot of false climaxes, points where they try to make you jump but it's not really the killer yet? Well, H20 has about a million of those. And after a few minutes it's pretty obvious what they're doing and nobody jumps anymore. Only this one girl decided for whatever reason to scream at the top of her lungs every time one of them came up. So instead of being able to enjoy the movie I have to listen to some girl screaming constantly followed to everybody laughing. Good times.

Friday was bad to begin with because it was a DVD. I don't know what it's like to watch a DVD there at this point, but back then they were new at it and they could never get the sound right. So the movie was a little hard to hear for starters. Friday had been out for many years at this point, but I'd never seen it. I figured the campus theater would be a good place to check it out for free. What I didn't realize is that everybody else in the world had apparently seen it four hundred times. And when people have seen a movie a bunch of times, apparently they feel the need to quote the lines along with the actors. So pretty much every line Ice Cube, Chris Tucker, and the rest of the cast spoke was unintelligable to me due to the thirty people trying to say it along with them with varying degrees of success. Needless to say, I didn't really enjoy the movie all that much. I guess there's always Next Friday.

acting out on the town

I saw an interesting commercial on while I was getting ready for work this morning. It was advertising some kind of new dating service. The service was called "Just Lunch." The idea is for young business men and women to get together on arranged lunch dates through the service. It's "just lunch," so it's nothing serious, but it's a way to meet new people without the stress of the dating or bar scene. Sounds good, right? But the commercial shows these two young, attractive people in impeccable business atire and you know that's not who uses the service. People like that are already married or dating and if they're not, they don't have any trouble finding dates. While I'm sure there are exceptions from time to time, the people who use dating services are not young, good-looking professionals. They're lonely schlubbs and schlubbettes who aren't married or dating for a reason. It's not Joe and Jane Proffsional going out on a date. It's Wendy who works at the DMV grabbing a quick lunch with Amos, the fry cook at Denny's. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. I'm just saying they've got their target audience all wrong.


Am I supposed to talk about class in at least one entry too? Good question. But you know what? I'm the instructor, so I can do whatever I want, yo. I shouldn't say "yo" anymore unless it's followed by a second "yo" and refers to a stringed toy.

Will came to talk to the class today. That was fun. I'm not sure if he's clinically insane or more of a down-home folk medically diagnosed insane, but he's definitely got a few screws loose. You can definitely tell he used to be a theatre person. He loves having an audience. He should probably watch less rap videos though.

I wouldn't say I was ever a theatre person exactly, but I used to do some acting. I was never good enough for the lead role, but I had some good secondary parts and even being in the chorus was always a lot of fun. I really miss being up on stage. There's something alluring about it. You get to speak someone else's words, and make them your own. You get to put on somebody else's life for a few hours and make it as real as possible. That's not to mention the audulation of the audience. Even if you weren't great, they'll pretend. They have manners, so they'll clap and cheer, make you feel special. Where else do you get that sort of instant feedback? Other than acting, musical performance, and athletics, where do people actively cheer for you. What other time in your life will total strangers show you appreciation and tell you what a good job you've done. We definitely love our entertainment in this country and that's why it's so great to be an entertainer.