Last Call

Pardon me for saying so, but Doc Pomus and Mort Shuman are idiots. They're the guys who wrote the 1960 Drifters hit "Save the Last Dance for Me." It's playing at Toys [backwards]R Us right now, so I've heard it three hundred times recently, which has led me to overanalyze it. Endulge me. Doc Pomus and Mort Shuman are idiots.

I'm sure you've heard the song, but let me refresh you on the content anyway. The speaker says to an unidentified "you" that we'll assume is his girlfriend, go ahead and dance with that guy who's been eyeing you and smile at the guys who want to hold your hand."Have your fun" and "laugh and sing," but [the chorus]...
"Don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin', save the last dance for me."
You're kidding me, right? Put yourself in this guy's place. You're dating this girl and you're really into her ("Baby, don't you know/I love you so,") and you take her to some sort of party or dance. And what do she do? She goes off dancing with every guy who winks at her. She flirts and smiles and has the time of your life while you're sitting on a folding chair composing some sappy love song about her. I'm sorry, but if that's you, you're a moron. Even if they're not technically a couple and it's more of a prom date scenario, that's even worse. The speaker bought this girl a ticket and a corsage and spent too much money renting a tux with a pink cumberbund 'cause it's 1960 and to pay him back she goes off and shakes her little tush for every other guy at the party while he's nursing the same glass of punch and eating stale peanuts for two hours. And he says save the last dance for him, so it's not like he doesn't dance. It's not like he's not willing to go out there and live it up. But this girl doesn't want that. She wants to be the star of the party and let every guy there think he's got a chance at bedding her. And poor, stupid Doc and Mort are more than willing to sit back and watch, wait until she's worn herself out and ready for that last dance. Ready for them to drive her home and tell her how much they love her and how beautiful she looked out there. Girls are the devil.