nerd stuff

What if Star Wars were an actual greek tragedy instead of just based on one?

In act 1, Leia sleeps with Vader in an attempt to gain her freedom and once Luke has rescued her, they are immediately married as a show of her gratitude.

In act 2, Luke visits the oracle, Yoda, and finds out the truth, that Vader is his father and Leia his sister. He immediately gouges out his own eyes and begins to wander Dagobah aimlessly.

In act 3, Luke's faithful manservant, Artu, returns to tell the princess what has become of her new husband and why. Distraught, Leia hangs herself with her own hair. Han Solo, when he comes upon the scene is overcome with rage and flies into the Death Star, destroying it but killing himself in the process. Han's foreign slave, Chewbacca, by now the only main cast member left alive, travels to the rebel base to tell them all that has happened, but cursed by the gods with muteness for his role in what has gone on, all he can do is howl in agony.

The end.